Guidelines to help women survive the FIFA World Cup.

It’s here. No, not Friday the 13th but Thursday the 14th and the TORTUREment, I mean tournament is starting – the FIFA World Cup.

Football loving men have put in their requests for relationship leniency in terms of regular boyfriend and husband duties. And the only love we’ll be getting this football month will be from Russia.

But there is no reason why we can’t still have #RelationshipGoals and soccer goals at the same time. I have set guidelines of my own for football loving men to use on their WAGs:

#1. As long as there is wine I will not have a reason to say a word.

Where there is wine there is no room for words like “It’s just a game!” So make sure that rack is stacked!

2. Bathroom breaks are unavoidable so ensure that my side of the couch is that closest to the bathroom.

If you don’t want me walking up and down in front of the tv, secure your spot.

3. A large supply of books/magazines should be provided to get me through the 90minutes of torture.

I know you will be hogging the remote control and this will keep me occupied.

4. Kisses and caressing must be provided when the team you support does well, scores and/or wins.

You better lay those on thick if you don’t want me drooling over all the cute guys. There are 22 players on the field I’m sure I’ll find one I like. It’s simple, I support whatever team is getting me kisses.

5. WiFi passwords are the key to silent phones.

People need to see us achieving our #RelationshipGoals on instagram so release the WiFi password!

6. Attend to your empty snacks and drink yourself.

We’re trying to reduce the amount of time I spend walking around. This is a another solution.

7. If you think I’m going to ask you “which team is Arsenal?” please don’t ask me if I’m in the mood later.

Don’t insult my intelligence or you won’t be scoring.

8. When in doubt kindly revert back to guideline #1-7. And if you messed up refer to guideline 9 onwards.


9. You can try to give me a crash-course on soccer before the game but I stopped hearing you once I popped that cork. Don’t bother.

10. I know you will probably wager on at least one of the games. Please ensure that my supply of books and magazines is also budgeted for.

10.1. Wager winnings are to contribute to additional supply of wine. We don’t want to run dry.

10.1.1 The more you win, the better my wine supply should be.

11. If you must pregame by playing FIFA on your playstation before the actual match, make sure you pregame with me before entering MY play station.

12. Extra time spent on the field means extra time spent cuddling later.

Thanks in advance, I look forward to your cooperation and the endless supply of wine.

A wife/girlfriend of a football loving man.

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