My right intentions went wrong when it came to my fast. I didn’t get the job, not even an interview. My heart sank and then I realised – this position is not meant for me and what did God do, He confirmed it!
On the last day of my fast I watched a spirit-shifting sermon by T.D. Jakes called:
“When you have divine favor, God will pay you for what you would do for free!”
I could have sworn the Bishop was preparing for this disappointment. The disappointment from the excitement of what I had in mind versus what happened. I was disappointed… Am I still disappointed? I processed the emotions for a while and what I know now, for certain, though is that I am at peace.
Was the fast a failure?
Absolutely not! I learnt that maybe I am at peace because I am trying panel beat my talent into a passion. I was comfortable doing what I do every day, it was familiar and this opportunity would have done nothing but increase the territory of my comfort and familiarity. I didn’t want this normal.
Normal is painful, especially when you want extraordinary.
So I wrote
For as long as I can remember I have referred to myself as a writer, but what did I write? Nothing! An entire blog exists and it’s blank. (That’s a lie, there are some posts but not for a few years.)
What kind of writer doesn’t write? One who knows the torment
of the process.
Writing is hard. It chips at my soul with every article and strips me bare. Oh, and let’s not forget self-doubt that looks at those pieces and hammers them into mush with questions like:
“What if I am not a good a writer? What if no one reads my work?”
I wrote because of this one statement:
“If you are going to become a writer, you have to write, even if it sucks, even if no one reads it, just write – Cheryl Strayed.”